Invisible loyalties
when family history repeats itself
Reliving the same difficulties as your parents, feeling held back for no apparent reason… Family constellations speak of invisible loyalties. What are they, and how can we look at them?
Family history · · Delphine Roshardt
Sometimes we find ourselves, again and again, in the same situations: relationships that end the same way, a difficulty with money or work that seems to be passed down, a sadness whose origin we do not understand. However much we understand, reason and make good resolutions, something keeps replaying.
Family constellations, developed by the German therapist Bert Hellinger, offer a way of reading this: what has not found its place in a family’s history can continue to act across generations. This is what we call invisible loyalties.
What is an invisible loyalty?
We are all part of a family system, and deeply attached to it. Out of unconscious loyalty, a child may “carry” something that does not belong to them: grief that was never worked through, a person who was excluded or forgotten, a secret, a difficult fate. It is neither a fault nor a fatality: it is a bond of love expressing itself clumsily.
A few signs that may raise questions
- the same difficulty repeating from one generation to the next, in relationships, work or money
- the feeling of not being allowed to succeed or to be happier than your parents
- guilt or sadness with no apparent cause
- the impression of holding a place that is not yours, for example looking after your parents as if you were the parent
- ages, dates or events that seem to repeat within the family
These signs are in no way a diagnosis. They simply invite you to look at your history with a little more distance.
What a constellation makes possible
A constellation makes visible what is at play in the family system. In an individual session, the people concerned are represented by markers placed on the floor or by figurines, and you observe what you feel in each place. It is not about judging your family or looking for someone to blame, but about acknowledging everyone in their rightful place.
This movement often makes it possible to symbolically give back what does not belong to you, to acknowledge those who were forgotten, and to take your own place again, with more freedom in your choices.
And then?
The work continues to settle in the weeks following a constellation. That is why it is advisable to space sessions apart, and why, in the Crystaluz Journey, a constellation is part of ongoing support rather than a stand-alone session.
To discover the concrete steps of a session, read How does an individual family constellation work? or see the page Family constellations.
Crystaluz support is complementary and non-medical: it does not replace any medical, psychological or psychiatric care. In case of distress or emergency, contact your doctor or call 112.
Would you like to talk about it?
The Clairessence Session lets you take stock of your situation and see together whether the Crystaluz Journey suits you. €150 incl. VAT, about 1h30, in Wépion or Ixelles, in English or French, with no obligation to continue.